Friday, August 11, 2006
Look outside, See within
Well, I know I sound a bit philosophical today. But this is exactly how I felt after practicing Chanbara duel session with my sensei without having my contact lenses or glasses on!
When putting on a mask, sensei motioned to me to take out my glasses. Normally I wear my contact lenses, see. But my eyes got painful a few days ago and doc wanted me to have on my glasses for a few more days. I also take this opportunity to prep my eyes for the pre-laser surgery eye-exam.
However, what I did not prepare for at all was the unexpected insight that would occur to me today. At first I was afraid (yeah, like the song "I will survive"!) how I would make it during the duel sesssion because I knew I would have to take off my glasses to put on the protection head gear.
Without my glasses, I would be virtually blinded! I am 450+ shortsighted! Anyway, sensei did not seem to worry. He said it is not important because we use the mind to fight, not the eyes.
Half-believing, fully-scared, I entered the ring to face him.
I have valid reason to be scared. Even with perfect eyesight rendered by my contact lenses, I always got beaten up badly. Last week some knuckles on my left hand was swollen so bad that I had to ask myself many times whether this was just a normal practice-induced injury or am i on my way to be permanently disabled? Many questions came up in my mind, in fact, and for the first time the thought of quitting came up!
But, fortunately, that thought was followed immediately by my determined resolution to try even harder! I'm not going to be a quitter, disabled or otherwise! I must learn how to dodge sensei's formiddable attack and stop being an easy target, once and for all!
Back to the moment of duel yesterday again, with me virtually blinded...
To my amazement, the ultra-blurred vision turned out to work to my advantage! Blimey! (I guess that's what Harry Potte would have exclaimed!) By striving to look beyond my headmask, I discovered something valuable within my mind. I found that I did not have as much fear as I used to have!
I thought it must be something with me taking out the pre-concocted lebel I used to have with the word "Sensei" or the thought of fighting with him. To my blurry eyes, he became just a moving target! Almost like a soft-focus duel sequel in movie, even! I found my mind was at peace easily and that I could proceed to do more things with that peace fo mind.
That meant I dared to attack more, and I could hit sensei more than I have ever done. Not a good hit, but at least I could make bold moves with no fear in my mind. That was one big progress, I think. But that did not mean I would not get hit myself. I still got my regular beaten-up, thanks to my usual mindlessness. I was able to dodge some big blows, but mostly I still got hit. Not brutally, but sensei made sure he showed me every opening I mindlessly left opened. Darned!
I still could not get over my usual problem. I could not think and fight at the same time. And more than that, I could not figure out how to do defense and offense at the same time. Just when I was about to do one thing right, sensei hit me again! For sensei, everything looks so natural. He didn't seem to need to think. And his offense and defense blends into one. I could not figure that one out yet.
Hey, sensei is the grand master. So who am I to complain. I was savoring every minute and was wishing my brain could record sensei's moves into DVD so that i could study again, in slow motion and pause, late.
Well, it's getting late now. May be I'll write more tomorrow. Sensei did train me very hard today in our one-on-one class that I am totally exhausted by now. To tell the truth, today's training was so thorough and intensive as I was the only one and sensei taught me several new things that when I got home tonight I threw up! Just like a first day in cadet school, I read somewhere, where they train you until you throw up. But this is not the only time it happened to me.
But I love my training. I love the way sensei teaches me. He hardly uses his words. But the way he could communicate with me is amazing! In Japanese there is a phrase which expresses this. It is from Buddhism Philosophy. The phrase is "ishindenshin" 以心伝心 or the ability to communicate thoughts or teachings from master to student. It is hard to explain in words here (obviously!), but it sort of feel nice when it happens. To say that I feel "heart-warming" would not be an understatement. My sensei, despite his hard-hitting, is very, very kind and always considerate and thoughtful.
At the end, both the content and the approach of what I learned today from sensei in battou jutsu, jujutsu, and chanbara happens to be the core of Zen Buddhism. This is what I like about sensei. In everything he does or say, we students can always pick up something deep and meaningful to use in our life.
Soredewa....mata! :)
